Independence Day

It's one o'clock in the morning on July 5th, and I can't sleep due to the hideous, random sounds of firecrackers going off in my neighborhood and its environs.  These are not fireworks, mind you, although I have heard the occasional hiss and swoosh periodically.  These are firecrackers, which I admit, the purpose of which I just don't get.  

There are many ways to celebrate Independence Day (and btw, the name of the holiday is Independence Day.  It's no more "the 4th of July" any more than Christmas is "the 25th of December.").  Some people celebrate with fireworks, which I have no objection to, because they're beautiful, tricky and mesmerizing.  There's a rhyme and reason to fireworks.  Other ways to celebrate include playing music, having patriotic sing-a-longs, painting one's nails red, white and blue, or, more impressively, some people celebrate by reading the Declaration of Independence out loud on Salem Common, as my  mother did yesterday morning.  (Go Hannah!)

Truth be told, I've always found the Declaration of Independence, despite its significance, to be a bit of a dull read.  I was actually surprised when my mother told me that it's only nine minutes long when read aloud. If I had to read great papers of our nation, I'd prefer to read The Gettysburg Address, the Bill of Rights or the "I Have a Dream"  speech.  The Declaration just seems kind of, well, whiney.  And all those s's that look like f's!  Oh my God, it makef me infane!  And as a woman of action, I'm more about dumping crates of tea off the enemy's ships than writing home about it.    

But why celebrate with firecrackers, people?  Are you trying to make us all be grateful for living in a free country by making the city sound like downtown Baghdad?  By scaring dogs and children?  Is this how you pretend to be a well-armed militia, by making noises that just sound like gunshots?

Of course it's guys setting these things off, too, and probably pretty unsophisticated guys with Napoleon complexes at that.  Let's face it, fellas, Independence Day ended an hour and a half ago.  Time for everyone to go to sleep and dream the American dream.  Though I am grateful that I don't live in Baghdad and that the shots and crackles outside my window are fake, the way for me to be the best darn American I can be is to get some sleep.  Maybe if I read something, I'll be able to nod off.  Too bad I don't have a copy of the Declaration of Independence in my nightstand.