Miss Pronunciation

Part I - My Own Damn Name

Since I first learned how to speak, I have spent close to four decades correcting the pronunciation of my last name, Diozzi. For the record, it's pronounced dee-OH-zee, not dee-OZ-zee, not DIE-oh-zee, not DIE-oz-zee or my personal favorite, Dizzio. I am not related to the football player, Steve DeOssie.

It is, I grant you, a fairly annoying task to have to clarify the pronunciation of your surname for the length of your natural life, but in honor of my father and great-grandparents and Italian American heritage I do it. With a last name like mine, it's hard not to be sensitive to mispronunciations, of my name specifically and of regular ol' mispronunciations of other words in general. It's a constant battle, but my siblings and some of our extended family think it's worth it, despite the occasional awkward moment.

Sadly, three out of four of my first cousins on my father's side all choose to allow others to pronounce our name dee-OZ-ie, a habit they fell into in high school. I know this because I once met a group of teachers from their high school who could not for the life of them figure out who my cousins were until I deliberately starting mispronouncing their last name. When my cousin Joe (who, btw, butchers our last name but who no longer appreciates being called Joey) got married last year and he and his bride were introduced as the DiOZZies, my sister and I turned to each other and said "Who the hell are the DiOZZies??" It was quite jarring, to say the least, to hear our name mispronounced throughout the toasts and introductions.

This is all pretty much due to my cousins' complacency about correcting people; perhaps they don't want to make others uncomfortable by correcting them or perhaps they just couldn't be bothered. I, on the other hand, have spent much of my professional life, especially working in schools (and changing schools) making sure my co-workers and students all know how to say my name correctly.

Aside: Last year, I was proctoring the SATs at the high school at which I work, and I noticed a girl assigned to my room was wearing a Belmont High jacket. Now despite the fact that my Irish great-grandfather used to own huge parcels of Belmont land in the 19th century, the big name in that town in recent years has been Diozzi. According to my sources (The Boston Globe and Google), my second cousins, Andrew? Matt? Christopher? were popular, hockey-and-football-playing big-men-on-campus at Belmont High. So I asked this young lady if she knew any of them. She, a friend of Andrew, said, "Yes. When I saw your name on the board, I figured you were related." "Just out of curiosity," I said at the end of our chat, "How do they pronounce their last name?" "Dee-OH zee," she said, "and they will totally correct you if you say it wrong." Oh, how I LOVE these boys!

My transition into the school system in which I've been working for the last few years was made easier by another BMOC on our campus. When I began working at my BHS, I learned that I had a student in my caseload who was both president of his class and an academic standout whose last name was Magliozzi. He, too, pronounced it with a long "o," and for two years, I hitched my pronunciation wagon to his star and told people my last name "rhymes with Magliozzi." Problem solved.

Part II - Beyond My Own Damn Name

The mispronunciation of my name is hardly unique. Part and parcel of my Italian grandparents' quest for assimilation into American life has been the general erosion over time of the Italian language as translated into English. When I was growing up, we said 'minestron-e' and 'calzon-e.' Not so anymore. One all too common mispronunciation, which drives most Italo-philes absolutely crazy is to say 'brushetta' instead of 'brusketta.' This one is worth correcting. Once when I ordered it with the correct pronunciation, a waitress "corrected me back." I took it out of her tip.

In everyday life, I have a co-worker who says 'cuppachino,' and another one who says 'supposably.' While we're on the subject of work, which for me includes college counseling, the little college near Dartmouth is called St. Anselm, not St. Ansellems. Quinnipiac: accent is on the first syllable, not on the Pee. Notre Dame is pronounced as it's spelled. It's not Nota Dame. (Just say ND; it's much hipper). There is no Z in Syracuse. And the WORST: John_ Hopkins. Yes, Johns Hopkins was founded by one guy, but his name was Johns, not John. (His first name was actually a family name.) The second time one of my former senior applicants referred to it as John_Hopkins, I simply looked him in the eye and said very firmly, "You go into your interview and say 'John,' you're not gettin' in." (He got in.) Finally, the FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) is not pronounced FASFA. If your child's college counselor gets this wrong, chances are he or she might not be big into details. You've been warned.

And there are more:

My personal everyday favorite mispronunciation is "play it by air." Yes, I have a good friend who both says and writes this phrase. No matter how much we tease or make fun of her, she just can't self-correct.

Often - Google and Wikipedia say it's OK to pronounce the T, which I hate. I will not win the fight on this one, but it grates on my ears to hear the 't.' When people pronounce the T, it just makes me think that they're trying to remind us that they know how to spell "often." Wow. I'm impressed.

Di-rector - This is a big Massachusetts colloquialism. There is a tendency here to day Die-rect (or worse, die-ozzie).

Places in and around Boston - tourists take note:

Tremont St. - New Yorkers usually screw this one up. It's Treh-mont, not Tree-mont.

Public Garden, Boston Common - NO esses!!!

Oak Bluffs - town in Martha's Vineyard. It's NOT Oaks Bluff_.

Louisburg Square - OK, this one is tough. It's Lewis-burg Square. Don't get all pretentious and say, "Looie" like Louis IV. You'd be wrong. Oh, and while we're talking about Louis, it's Julia "Looie"-Dreyfus, not Julia LOUISE Dreyfus. (More on actors follows.)

Gloucester, Leicester and Worcester - It's Gloster, Lester and Wooster (like wuss). Pretend you're a Brit while you're here.

Now that Nordstrom has opened at a local mall, I've made it my mission in life to correct people when they say Nordstrom's. Not to be confused with Filene's, it's just Nordstrom. You wouldn't say The Gap's, would you??

Massachusetts - there is no Z here. I have friend who says Massachoozetts. If you ever see Donny Osmond in an interview and he talks about having been in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, he will say Jozeph. Makes me insane. Note to Donny: Stop talking, take your shirt off, and sing!

And while we're on the subject of Donny Osmond, I also get peeved when I hear people mispronounce actors' and other celebrities' names. I don't really understand how this happens. For some reason we're a nation that can pronounce Mariska Hargitay (probably because we have no choice but too learn that one) but we cannot for the life of us get it right when it comes to Mr. Big Chris Noth (rhymes with BOTH). This man corrects his name every single time he's on a talk show and yet people still get it wrong. (Nice to see that this happens to WASPs, too.) Catherine Zeta Jones is on the record as saying Zeeta. So it's Zeeta.  J. K. Rowling is "rolling." Ralph Fiennes is "Rafe Fines." (I once really embarrassed myself within the world of showbiz by getting that one wrong, but in my defense it was literally the day after the NY premiere of Schindler's List and he was not yet famous.) Ralph Lauren is Lauren like the girl's name; Donna Karan, Karen like the girl's name. Christian Louboutin, OK, well that one's hard. But I can't tell you how to pronounce everything, so go ask a salesman at Nordstrom_.

Roasted Cherry Tomatoes (for bruschetta) - from The Boston Globe Magazine

(OK, this recipe technically is not for bruschetta, but you could potentially put these tomatoes on bread and there you have it, bruschetta.)

Put 10-15 cherry tomatoes in a non-stick baking or loaf pan.

Pour 3-4 T olive oil over tomatoes to coat, shaking pan to coat further.

Sprinkle dried basil, chopped fresh or dried rosemary and dried oregano on top of tomatoes until they are well-covered.

Bake, uncovered at 400 degrees for about a half hour or until the tomatoes begin to collapse or brown.

Best served on wild rice.

** I once accidentally made this with rosemary, basil and thyme and it was just as good.